So, what’s the big news this week? What’s the one story that everybody is talking about? Is it the worsening economic crisis? Is it the still unanswered questions with regard to MP’s improper expenses usage? No. Apparently, a pig sneezed in Mexico, a few people got ill, and now everyone is shitting themselves because this swine flu ‘epidemic’ is going to wipe us all out.
Forgive me, but if the entire human race is to be wiped out by a disease, surely we can come up with a better one than swine flu? It sounds disgusting. Well, most diseases are disgusting, but at least some of them sound impressive, like tuberculosis.
Anyway, this is all trivial, as swine flu is not going to kill us all. In fact, we’ll be lucky if it kills anyone in the UK. This media hype is very reminiscent of previous epidemics. Bird flu? SARS? Interestingly, during the time of the SARS scare, more people died falling down the stairs than from this ‘horrific’ respiratory illness. Same with bird flu, and I imagine swine flu will be no different. The only people who’ve ever died from these diseases are those who have been treated in jungle clearings.
The simple fact of the matter is, swine flu is not scary. It’s not worth losing sleep over, it’s not worth going out and panic buying silly little masks for, and it’s not worth all the media attention it’s getting. Think of it this way; most of the media outlets in the UK are owned, at least in part, by Rupert Murdoch (cunt). Rupert Murdoch (twat) has ensured that all of the British newspapers he owns staunchly support the Labour Party since 1997. As many may have forgotten, the Labour Party are in a bit of a pickle at the moment. They hold partial responsibility for the recession, they gave billions of pounds to the wan…sorry…bankers who are also hugely responsible for the recession, and a lot of their MPs have been exposed for improperly claiming thousands of pounds of taxpayers’ money. Wouldn’t it be wonderful for them if their friend Mr. Murdoch could find some other big story to focus on, thus taking the spotlight off them for a while? Is it at all possible that this outrageous scaremongering with regards to swine flu is just a ploy to take the heat off the Government?
Whatever, all you need to know is that should you contract this disease, you probably won’t even know, because the symptoms are just the same as regular flu, and just like regular flu, you’ll be better within a few days. In fact, in a way I hope I do get swine flu, then I can sell my story to the papers about how I got this killer disease and came out absolutely fucking fine.
In other news: Tom had an identity theft scare this week after nearly £500 disappeared from his bank account. Turns out, he forgot to cancel a standing order to his landlord last year, and so is being fully reimbursed.